The Burden of "Stuff"

I recently met with a sweet gal and her mother who were selling some old trunks. They are grappling with having too much stuff and unsure of how to offload it. I'm sure all of us can relate to that on some level. While we were talking, the mother reiterated several times how she came to have many of her parent's possessions. Much of it was from her father, who served in WWII and he kept a lot of his stuff from that time. The mother pointed out that much of their “stuff” was from a bygone generation, the greatest generation, which never threw anything out. She indicated that some family pieces were meant to be kept, but after what limit do you start giving stuff away?  Several times throughout the conversation a look of complete exasperation would come over their faces and the daughter covered her face in frustration many times. So I bought a few trunks and promised in the future to help them with some of their other items as well.

I, however, come from a small family that has little in the way of family heirloom pieces. So any stick of furniture is a treasured possession. I have only two pieces that were from family; my grandmother’s side-by-side oak hutch, and a hand-built smoking table that has seen better days. And, if I’m being honest, I’m thankful for that. I don’t want the emotional and physical burden of family pieces looming over my head. What in the world would I do with a set of china for 70 guests?? That is the burden many people carry, and it’s taking a toll on them emotionally and financially (storage units anyone?).

In my line of business I hear stories about this same condition several times a day. People will call or reach out wanting to sell their mother’s or grandmother’s china, depression era glass, 50s bedroom sets, silverware, and collections of any and everything you can imagine. The people are often desperate and do not want, or know what to do with, all their family's stuff. So when, a while back, my mom started talking about getting rid of things so I wouldn’t have to deal with them when she’s gone, I thought that was a great idea. Isn’t that the irony though; we spend all our lives working to acquire stuff, then the latter part of life giving it away?

When we moved to California I was amazed by how much hubby and I had acquired in our decade of living together. We never had a problem parting with our college Ikea furniture and replacing it with antique heirloom pieces, but even those started to multiply. Any why not, we had the room? Now living in 800sqft had given both of us perspective. We never want to end up in that situation again of having to get rid of so much stuff. Not only does it take up physical space, it takes up emotional space too. Having clutter and wall-to-wall furniture isn’t conducive to being creative or free. Weekends, precious weekends, are spent cleaning and maintaining our “stuff”. And we work hard to buy more things we don’t need. However, having limited space has put our spending and junk collecting into perspective and we no longer impulse buy big ticket items; we haven’t the room!

So back to my original point…

I don’t want to ever have my “stuff” become a burden on someone else; whether it be children, friends, or family. I am also tired of the guilt that comes with keeping something for sentimental reasons. Our garage is filled with sentimental “stuff” that we bring out every time we move, only to repack it and carry it to our next destination. Wouldn’t it be nice to not have all that stuff on your back weighing you down? To live simpler and more focused lives with less baggage? It can be done, but it takes a lot of work. I thought this was our clean slate; that we had purged everything useless and non-purposeful. I was wrong. Our garage is filled to the ceiling with junk that has memories attached to it. Stuff that is only important to us. Stuff that has no value except for what we place on it. And why? Why are we so reluctant to purge ourselves of this burden? Are we afraid of losing a connection to our past? Do we want something to pass on to future generations (I’m sure our kids won’t want mommy’s or daddy’s college notebooks and greeting cards from people they’ve never met)?

If there’s one thing I have taken away from today, it’s that stuff is nice if you enjoy and use it. Anything beyond that, it’s a burden. 

If you're nodding your head and looking for a solution, let me tell you that there isn't a cut and dried one. It takes a tremendous amount of work and willpower to whittle down whole collections and a lifetime of memories. But perhaps this list is a good start:

1.) IDENTIFY the reason for wanting to live a simpler and more meaningful life with less stuff. Are you looking for more time to enjoy activities with your S.O. or family? Are you wanting to leave more physical and mental room to be creative? Do you simply want to spend less time cleaning? All of these are good starts!

2.) PLAN. Keep your goals manageable and bite-sized and do your damnedest to avoid "scope-creep" ("...in project management this refers to changes, continuous or uncontrolled growth in a project's scope, at any point after the project begins. This can occur when the scope of a project is not properly defined, documented, or controlled"). 

3.) START SMALL to get the ball rolling. Maybe spend a rainy Sunday going through ONE box of papers you keep hidden in the back of your closet or under your bed. Once that is complete, move on to the next manageable chore. Define your parameters and keep projects confined to one room or area of your home. Before you know it, you will have downsized substantially. Keep in mind the old adage, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time". 

4.) This is the hardest step in any process; MAINTENANCE. Once you've created a void, it may be tempting to fill it up again. Resist the urge! Sit in the space and let yourself feel whatever feeling you have. It's going to be uncomfortable for a while, but I will get easier. Once you're used to living without those burdens, you'll find yourself feeling lighter and more energized. Create systems so that you don't fall into the same patterns as before; organization is key here. Maybe have a simple wire basket on your counter for the week's mail. Set a day aside to go through it all and discard unnecessary papers. A great rule of thumb when tidying up and simplifying your possessions is to only handle an object once. If you pick it up, immediately find a place for it; trash or stored appropriately.